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Never Split the Difference by Christopher Voss
In Never Split the Difference, Christopher Voss, a former negotiator for the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit, shares the practical negotiation and persuasion skills and strategies he has learned from his long, illustrious career as an international kidnap-and-hostage negotiator, and all of us can use to become better, persuasive negotiators in our personal and professional lives.
Here are 4 lessons from the book:
1: Become a mindful active listener
Active listening plays a vital role in interpersonal interactions and negotiations.
Voss explains that because every interpersonal interaction or negotiation involves two parties, the only way to negotiate effectively is to become an active, mindful listener because when you listen attentively to what your negotiating party communicates, you can determine what the person wants.
Voss further notes that by listening mindfully and attentively, you fulfill one of the most fundamental keys to being a good negotiator:
ensuring that your partner feels heard and understood.
He notes:
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”
“… make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.”
So, to become a better negotiator —and also better at interpersonal interactions and relationships— become a mindful, active listener.
2: Establish rapport as quickly as possible
One of the critical things Voss mentions is that good negotiators know the importance of rapport in person-to-person interactions, which is why they are always quick to establish it.
Voss makes it clear that what makes someone an excellent negotiator —and therefore great at interpersonal interactions— is the ability to practice being empathetic with the other party because in so doing, you can get the party to trust you enough to reveal what he or she wants out of the interaction.
He notes:
“Truly effective negotiators are conscious of the verbal, para-verbal (how it’s said), and nonverbal communications that pervade negotiations and group dynamics. And they know how to employ those subtleties to their benefit.”
So To become an excellent negotiator, in addition to being an active listener, establish rapport as quickly as you can so that you build empathy and gain trust.
On how to build rapport and establish empathy and trust as fast as possible, Voss notes that you can use one of three voices:
A calm and slow voice: he calls this voice the “late-night FM DJ voice,” and notes that the best time to use this voice is in instances where you want to make a critical point or appear authoritative without triggering the other party’s defence mechanism.
Default voice: he calls this voice your default, playful voice and notes that being great at negotiations demands that your default voice be camaraderie-building, easygoing, encouraging, light, and agreeable.
Direct voice: This tonality is the assertive and direct. He notes that because it often causes defensiveness in negotiating parties, it is better NOT TO USE it or use it sparsely when the interaction calls for directness.
3: Use tactical empathy to your advantage
On what tactical empathy is, Voss notes:
“Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow. It’s bringing our attention to both the emotional obstacles and the potential pathways to getting an agreement done. It’s emotional intelligence on steroids.”
Tactical empathy is a potent negotiation tool and interpersonal skill that, used effectively by paying attention to the other person’s tone of voice, gesture, face, and other communication elements, makes it easier to practice rapport-and-trust-building conversation strategies such as mirroring and labelling and validating.
4 Use the Ackerman Model
The Ackerman model is 6 step process of negotiating price. The 6 steps are:
Set your target price (your goal).
Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price.
Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent).
Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer.
When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight.
On your final number, throw in a non-monetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.
Use this method when paying for something and use a mirrored version of it when selling something eg starting at 135% of the price you’d accept.
So to summarise:
Become a mindful active listener
Establish rapport as quickly as possible
Use tactical empathy to your advantage
Use the Ackerman Model
There is a huge amount of great information in this book which could never be covered in one short summary so if you want to become a master negotiator we highly recommend this book.
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Also please comment below other books you would like to see summaries of.
Thanks for watching, have a great day.
Link to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfMhM2yGjQ4
I've made over 80 summaries of the best self improvement books, here’s a full playlist of them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOImyOGN9UE&list=PLaNTB6oQAa0AYuul0tqUscg1ZLj_arZga
I release a new video every other day, if you’re interested in subscribing here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfbLDMh6uGOZePAfqqjVZ-g?sub_confirmation=1
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